In growing up, did you receive the message from your family and society
that, "It's not nice to be angry?" As a result, most of us believe that to
experience the feeling of anger is bad and just plain wrong. Therefore, we
can feel guilt and shame when we experience anger due to this belief.
Most of us receive no training on understanding and accepting the feeling
of anger. Consequently, most people have problems in coping with their own
anger as well as anger from other people.
When you experience negative feelings such as frustration, resentment, or
anger, it is an indication that your needs are not being met. Specifically,
when you are blocked from achieving what you want, and feeling frustrated,
abused, or used, you tend to experience the feeling of anger.
Most people deal with anger either by denying it or expressing it in inappropriate ways. Denying your feelings of anger can lead to: depression,
resentment, and physical problems; such as tense muscles, headaches, and
ulcers.
See Article:
Understanding and Overcoming Depression.
Blocks to Anger
Those people who have problems dealing with anger generally experience
one or more of the following blocks to express anger:
1. Fear of rejection
- "If I express my anger, I will be rejected."
2. Need of approval
- "I want your approval; therefore, I will inhibit my anger towards
you."
3. Fear of losing control
- "If I express my anger, I would not be able to stop."
4. Believe that anger is bad
- "I am a terrible person for experiencing anger."
Overcoming blocks to anger can be facilitated by understanding that there
is a significant difference between the feelings of anger, versus acting out
your anger in a hostile rage. Furthermore, realize the anger is a normal
human feeling and it is not a sinful experience. Developing a positive,
accepting attitude toward your anger is needed before you can express it
appropriately in an assertive way.
Guidelines for Coping with Anger
1. Recognize and fully accept my anger.
2. Identify the real source my anger.
3. Understand why I am angry; by seeing a relationship between my
expectations and outcome.
4. Be able to express what I am angry about in an appropriate manner to
the person triggering my frustration. Being aggressive and hostile will be
self-defeating.
5. If I am unable to talk to the person, I should find ways to work out my
anger through physical activities.
6. Writing about my anger.
7. Talking to a friend or a counselor.
In summary, the feeling of anger can be seen as a normal emotional
response to frustration, and that expressing it appropriately can lead to
problem solving and inner peace.
